I have been struggling with several symptoms that I can only identify as depression. Over time I have noticed that depression is a a shadow that trails along behind me, coming closer whenever I have an exacerbation of pain or illness.
Crying at the drop of a hat becomes a natural response to anything that is sad or emotive.
My relationship with God has suffered. I feel like a failed experiment.
Saw a recent video of Joni speaking about her recent experience of bedrest. As she shares her own struggle to be what she feels God calls her to, she finds that she can only make it through as she throws herself at Jesus' feet, drawing whatever strength she needs from Him. I wish I could be like that. I feel flawed and deficient in my own response to suffering.
I can only cry out -- God be merciful to me a sinner. Hold onto me, Lord, because I have no strength to hold onto You.
~lad
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